tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7704467968253590816.post6524762460843182258..comments2017-01-27T05:26:38.972-08:00Comments on My thoughts, short stories, and fears all laid out. : Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11230384247872321243noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7704467968253590816.post-49835555290166245252017-01-20T17:01:04.648-08:002017-01-20T17:01:04.648-08:00Thanks so much L.C., I really like hearing that pe...Thanks so much L.C., I really like hearing that people read and enjoyed. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11230384247872321243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7704467968253590816.post-1771769067890777122017-01-20T01:02:59.017-08:002017-01-20T01:02:59.017-08:00Wow, you did an amazing job here! Well done! xoWow, you did an amazing job here! Well done! xoL.C.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06081947664217884028noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7704467968253590816.post-39587879232097180802017-01-18T14:16:12.552-08:002017-01-18T14:16:12.552-08:00I really wrestled with that line about the blanket...I really wrestled with that line about the blanket and I felt like it stuck out like a sore thumb! Thank you for the suggestion. <br /><br />I really appreciate all the feedback. Anyone saying anything is incredibly valuable to me, I am going to read this quite a few times and think over what you've said. Thank you for taking the time to write!!! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11230384247872321243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7704467968253590816.post-14638178390722019492017-01-18T10:42:49.174-08:002017-01-18T10:42:49.174-08:00A harsh fear to contend with! The repetition works...A harsh fear to contend with! The repetition works really well in reinforcing how much of an ingrained habit this excessive-checking behaviour has become. It's a fine line between protection and over-protection, and you really capture the feeling of somebody trying hard to straddle that line. To be a mother and not a (s)mother. Ironic, given the fear of the younger child being smothered by the pillow, her sister, the dog, etc.<br /><br />Since you asked for brutal honesty, the only thing I can recommend at the moment is probably something you've heard many times before: "Show, don't tell." Specifically in relation to your comment: "My blanket is red on top, white on the bottom." It feels a bit shoe-horned in. Instead of telling the colours, can you show it somehow?<br /><br />"My fingers brush the soft sheepskin of my red and white blanket as I tug it up towards my chin." <br /><br />Or something to that effect, rather than just coming out with a random "hey, here's the colour of a thing" statement.<br /><br />Other than that, really good! I wouldn't have thought this was your first time writing for a flash fic challenge.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com